update on life and stuff

not entirely sure how many people will have noticed but… yeah. i’m using wordpress again. part of this was motivated by a desire to have my books on sale via my own site (not just biyuti publishing — especially since my anthology/compilation books of blog posts aren’t going to be listed on the main biyuti publishing website anymore).

i also switched for other, more technical reasons that i won’t bore anyone with at the moment.

people will notice that (at least for the past few days) i’ve been posting short commentaries on news stories. i’m not entirely sure i’m going to keep doing this while i take a break from @girlslikeusnews but… idk. i’m guess stuff like that would more properly go onto tumblr, if it weren’t for the fact that i’m on a super old netbook with a low resolution and tumblr’s bookmarklet won’t allow me to resize the window…

but. another part is that i simply don’t use tumblr as often and in the same way that i used to. my ‘microblogging’ mostly happens on twitter now. my long-form blogging has always/mostly been something that originates in this space and gets crossposted elsewhere. i also don’t socialize/interact as much with people on tumblr (or anywhere else, as it happens).

part of why my tumblr usage has changed so much is because xkit is weird and wonky for me and won’t let me reply to replies. also i find myself entirely lacking the energy and motivation to engage a lot of people and their asinine comments on my posts.

(like if one more fucking person responds to my ‘trans women aren’t privileged for having penises’ post with a ‘lol, what about peeing standing up’… i’ll fucking scream. peeing standing up causes dysphoria for a bunch of trans women. and those of us who are fine with it usually need to pee sitting down in public washrooms because otherwise we’ll mark ourselves as Other in the washroom and probably get violently attacked. like for fuck’s sake, i’ve heard of trans women trying to figure out ways to emulate the same ‘pee sound’ that cis women make. so fuck off with ur fucking clever comments since u clearly don’t understand what it is like to be a trans woman with a penis and how fucking dangerous it is)

i also continue to struggle with severe depression. so. like. i’ve been spending a lot of time just lying around in bed without the desire or motivation to write longer posts or engage ppl. and yeah, to a certain extent i’ve probably been self-isolating from friends and acquaintances… i’ve also been trying to work on my books and writing and stuff.

i have stuff happening in irl that has been… very consuming and stressful and draining and fucking awful and it isn’t something i can talk about here or (it feels) anywhere. like… i also realized just how delirious and reckless i was during the worst of the neuroleptic malignant syndrome bc i’m see how close i was to tying this pseudonym to my irl identity and that would’ve been dangerous and unsafe (i have a longer blog post somewhere in me about how online activism — whatever you want to call it — can be dangerous when/if tied to your irl identity and reasons for why the protection might be necessary for you)

a few other recent events are making me re-confirm my desire to stay far far far away from activism(tm). enough so that i turned down a paying speaking gig bc i can’t handle the stress/anxiety of doing something so public and being exposed/vulnerable like that in a world and context that is so little invested in my safety and health.

in another sense, i enjoy the certain level of freedom to express myself that being pseudonymous provides me.

bc we should and totally be clear and understand that marginalized ppl can and will be punished for the things we say. regardless of whether or not it is off or online.

we live in a world that has a vested interest in making sure we shut the fuck up and are silenced. and i’m not even Black which absolutely compounds and intensifies everything i’m talking about here.

i’m also remembering that, yeah, i totally just want to think and write and NOT get entangled in all the rest.

(i can’t remember anymore what i wanted to actually write here was… so. i’ll just stop)

Op-ed: Why Labeling Others As ‘Privileged’ Isn’t Helping Trans Activists | Advocate.com

Op-ed: Why Labeling Others As ‘Privileged’ Isn’t Helping Trans Activists | Advocate.com.

i read this and was going to ignore it… but i’m realizing that i’m too fucking irritated by the message.

now i am on record for saying that privilege is a functionally useless concept

but that isn’t what the writer is articulating here. instead, she is saying that people like CeCe need to stop framing their words and concepts within privilege because….

it makes her oppressors uncomfortable.

which you know. fuck you? lol.

(you can also tell that she was motivated to write this not bc CeCe talked about cis privilege, but because she talked about WHITE TRANS PRIVILEGE and this person sounds like the most mayo of crackers.)

Proposed Vegas school transgender policy bars staff from telling parents – EAGnews.org

Proposed Vegas school transgender policy bars staff from telling parents – EAGnews.org.

so like.

this is totally the sort of thing we need to see more of. do u see how fucking entitled these cis parents are?

“what do u mean teachers and staff can’t out CHILDREN to other parents and expose them to hate and bullying!?”

shit like this makes me hate ppl.

because these parents, to protect their shitty cis kids, want to be able to bully and identify trans kids.

fuck them.

Transgender woman booted from city restroom | The Charlotte Observer The Charlotte Observer

“I’m diabetic, and I had to go bad. If they had told me they were going to arrest me,” Allison said, “they would have had to drag me out of that restroom kicking and screaming.”

via Transgender woman booted from city restroom | The Charlotte Observer The Charlotte Observer.

yeah… this was the same day/vote thing where they confronted a teen trans girl when she was leaving the restroom.

this whole thing makes me want to scream.

likethe situation would’ve been soooo much worse if she hadn’t been white.

like. nice ‘respectful’ police? only if ur a white lady. but. like seriously.

fuck these ppl.

reflections on de-racialization in the ‘three pillars’

so…. based on soemthing i did yesterday, i have occassion to revisit andrea smith’s ‘three pillars of white supremacy’ and thinking more about the limitations of how she describes the three logics/pillars.1

it occurred to me yesterday during an activity based on the three pillars framework that it very much de-racializes the Indigenous ppls of the americas and the ppl subsumed by Orientalism.

but for each pillar it removes one of key motivations of white supremacy: people.

what i mean by this is that by characterizing settler colonialism/Indigeneity as being about ‘land’ it ellides the very real role that biological/historical racism played in colonialism and white supremacy. yes. white ppl wanted land. but BUT. the Indigenous ppls of america were also targetted because they were Red. because they were thought to comprise and collectively embody a specific racial identity.

so too with the Orient. it isn’t just that Oriental ppls have been threats to white empires and that this threat is used as a justification for constant and ongoing wars, but that colonization (but also the warfare) is because white ppl targeted Orientals because we (or at least some of us) were Yellow.

In her analysis only Black ppl significantly retain this classic/historical racial identity imposed on them by white supremacy. this is a testiment to the specificity of anti-Blackness, because Black people can only ever be Black and nothing else.

and as much as the more modern notion of indigeneity is useful in a global sense, it still strikes me as bizarre to see the ways that many Indigenous ppls in the americas have disavowed and subsumed their racialization as people in order to only talk about land… which, fine of course, this isn’t my discourse and they can frame it however they’d like.

my problem is more when they apply this same logic, that of subsumming racialization for some other symbolic/conceptual notion (war, labour2) as if it makes real conceptual sense for white supremacy to not be about oppressing, subjugating, and killing racialized people.

of course, timing does matter with this since the rise of scientific racism is at least a 100 years after the beginning of colonialism and global white supremacy. in one respect ‘racism’/white supremacy as a specific explanatory and framework arose as a way to justify colonial projects already underway. but the formalization and systemization / codification of white supremacy as scientific racism also makes it clear that these racialized ideas have always been a part of colonialism.

i guess what i’m really asking for, from people who theorize and think about this sort of thing, is to not forget that white supremacy is always and has always been about relationships between peoples. it is not the only thing that it is about, but it is a non-trivial part and ought not to be minimized in these theories, especially since these racial logics STILL influence modern relationsips between ppls.


  1. of course, everyone interested in this should read Jared Sexton’s the vel of slavery for a great critique of this idea from the perspective of anti-Blackness 

  2. but of course as @so_treu wrote yesterday: “slavery is first and foremost a property relation, not a labor relation.” 

Liberals join conservatives to defeat Charlotte’s transgender bill | Christian Examiner Newspapers

Liberals join conservatives to defeat Charlotte’s transgender bill | Christian Examiner Newspapers.

anyone surprised that the left and right are allied in their transmisogyny?

no?

this isn’t a new thing. radfems (the left) have always been aligned with right-wing christians in their transmisogyny. that one group alone ensures that the left and right will always see eye-to-eye on this.

i also changed blog platforms (again)

i had a wordpress blog. then i switched to octopress. and now i’m back with wordpress. this is why URLs and such are different and why i probably broke a lot of people’s links… *shrugs*

as much as i love octopress, i realized that i wanted to be able to sell copies of my books on my personal website, not just via biyuti publishing. it also means that i have a central place to sell copies of the books that won’t show up on biyuti publishing (like teh binary one). or maybe the e-zines that i might start making. i can also use this wordpress to host the audio posts i was starting to make but that then got… idk. put on hiatus while my organs were shutting down. (i hope to get back to making those… or i’ll put that into my imagined multi-media ezines. idk).

the URL remains the same ‘b.binaohan.org’

i’ll probably put up a contact form so that it is easier to get a hold of me in the future.

i might even use this platform to sell rare print copies of my books…

(note: i’ve mostly decided that i’m going to stop putting books out in print. i realize that people like them and. well, yeah. but. dealing with createspace is a hassle if you aren’t american and i just don’t want to bother with amazon anymore. i mean… they are a huge corporation and i hate them. i might do short print runs occassionally or do print zines but this will depend on personal energy levels bc i have post office anxiety).